Moving from a cessationist ideology to a whole-hearted continualist belief system is not something I argued and proved in my head or rationalized into existence. The Holy Spirit is not a puzzle to be figured but a Spirit to be felt. He is word to be tasted; Beauty to be seen.
I would not be able to argue my post modern mind into believing that the Holy Spirit moves and breathes today, just as we read about in the New Testament, unless I had some tangible, touchable proof. The gift of speaking in tongues, miracles, signs and wonders all weave in and out of my everyday life. This experiential knowledge is more than I need to believe. It chased after me, relentlessly giving me glimpse of deepest heaven. It has filled this vacuum, this void in my spirit that theology could not. It is wave upon wave of love and joy. It is colors and textures and visions and dreams. It is a language I don't understand, yet communicate with.
I have spent way to many years with my nose buried in a theological book, or turned upright in self righteousness. The Holy Spirit has tackled me from above, below and from the inside out, and thrown me face down on the ground, as one does when one sees God, where I have remained ever since.
Life is so much more exciting lived supernaturally. He makes every day a new possibility of encountering a new strata of something I confidently dismissed through my human understanding.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson says, He is "...the charm and wonder of the immeasurable deep."
Breathing, living, loving this new found experience. May I never return to an explicable life.