I'm too alone in the world, yet not alone enough...

 

 

            I'm too alone in the world, yet not alone enough
            to make each hour holy.
            I'm too small in the world, yet not small enough
            to be simply in your presence, like a thing--

            just as it is.

 

            I want to know my own will
            and to move with it.
            And I want, in the hushed moments
            when the nameless draws near,
            to be among the wise ones--
            or alone.

           

            I want to mirror your immensity.
            I want never to be too weak or too old
            to bear the heavy, lurching image of you.
 

            I want to unfold.
            Let no place in me hold itself closed,
            for where I am closed, I am false.
            I want to stay clear in your sight.

 

            I would describe myself
            like a landscape I've studied
            at length, in detail;
            like a word I'm coming to understand;
            like a pitcher I pour from at mealtime;
            like my mother's face;
            like a ship that carried me
            when the waters raged. 

 

          -Rainer Maria Rilke (1875-1926)